Tags: me

me

have I got LJ block?

I definintely think I'm not giving myself enough time to process everything that is happening in my life.

I should make a more conscious effort to blog about what is going on with me instead of waiting for some 'fin' indication where it seems appropriate to sit back, relflect and write thoughts. I think my lack of taking time to process is part of my shaky development.

I've noticed that I've alway had a problem with process. Audrey would always warn me to use the structure of process when working on projects and I not only struggled with spending time on process but I did not value what it did for me. Process was always something I did after I had already created the final piece. I don't have many notes on my final papers, no sketches for my posters, no real beginnings, only final pieces.

I guess that's what's going on with my lack of entries of late. I'm processing internally but until I'm at some kind of final piece I don't know what to write about. Time to start processing actively.
me

(no subject)

What the hell is going on with me?
I need a break from my so called intelligence. HELP.

It's like a cascading, rushing force of emotions and thoughts that have me in a state of drunken stupor. They wrap tightly around my existence, spinning me around until the world i know becomes a dizzying blurred reality stuck in an infinite loop.

I'm on a merry-go-round that's going too fast. I'm queasy and about to puke.

Can I get off? Can I cry?

Can I stop thinking. Stop analyzing.

I'm going home and sleeping. Hell with working out today.
  • Current Mood
    uncomfortable uncomfortable
  • Tags
half closed

I cannot remember

I'm knackered. Shattered. Exhausted. Unbelievably tired physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

I shouldn't get into it now because I'm mad sleepy and must get up early tomorrow. But I feel like my brain is literally expanding and pushing against my skull. I haven't had a moment since Friday where my head hasn't been throbbing. My thoughts are so jumbled and incoherent that I feel like there's at least three versions of "me" talking in my mind at the same time. Like different levels of consciousness fighting one another or rather, bantering, baiting and battling it out.

I cannot remember a time when I have thought and questioned so much.

I hate my ego. I hate knowing that it is my ego that is self relflective and contemplating itself.

Okay bed. Before I go crazy getting lost trying to reason through the most difficult questions I've asked myself. Ever. Tonight is one night I wish for a dreamless sleep.
me

thinking outside the box

If you were to ask others what it is about me that makes them comfortable, they will tell you it is because I don't judge anyone. Of couse I have opinions about people - I am a critic, but I don't see my opinions as an end point (which would be judging), I see them as a tool. I may be adaptable and open to lots of things, but many mistake this to imply that I can't get offended or that I can't disagree with what someone is doing. How does that happen? Have I somehow portrayed myself as a person living completely outside the box? Some insist on a fixed structure; they like to live within the boundaries of the box and while others don't have any structure, I don't really see myself as either type. Perhaps this explains the moments of oddity in my experiences with both groups. I guess I see myself in an open structure; I would build my box with hinged walls. Is there anything wrong with that?
me

(no subject)

I Got Sixteen Seconds And I Don't Want To Stop
I Got No Time For The Present Living On A Spinning Top
I Got Satan On The Tv I Got God In The Frame
I Say Hello For A Second Then You Won't See Me Again
I Am Happy I Am Sad I Can Be Most Anything
I'm A Scary Motha Fucka I'm The Future On A Spring
I Got Sixteen Seconds And I Don't Wanna Stop
I Got No Time For The Present Living On A Spinning Top
U Can't Stop Me U Can't Stop Me U Can't Stop Me

I Got Sixteen Seconds And I Don't Want To Stop
Got No Time For The Present Living On A Spinning Top
I Got A Fast Food Store Selling Poison Selling Rocks
Spaghetti Junction In My Head I'm Living In The Aftershock
I Am Happy I Am Sad I Can Be Most Anything
I'm A Scary Motha Fucka I'm The Future On A Spring
I Got Sixteen Seconds And I Don't Wanna Stop
I Got No Time For The Present Living On A Spinning Top
U Can't Stop Me U Can't Stop Me U Can't Stop Me
U Can't Stop Me


*boom boom boom...*

yeah...
  • Current Music
    Basement Jaxx - U Can't Stop Me
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