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Feb. 23rd, 2001

Lots of things are running through my head right now. I don't know how to explain what I'm feeling but it's not very pleasant. Something is wrong. Something is happening somewhere and there are warning signals going off in my head. Beware... watch out, things are not as the seem.

Am I happy? I don't know. In a way, I am... I'm very happy, things are going really well for me, and I project happiness (well at least I think I do) when I'm around others. Yet there is this... thing pricking at my conscious. It's what keeps me awake in the middle of the night, it distracts me when I'm working, and it's always there in the back of my mind, even when I'm happy. So what do I do? Why am I feeling this? How do I get RID of it, that's my main question?

What is it that I am perceiving silently inside? What is it about? Who is it about? Will I find out soon? Or will I find out too late? It's so frustrating to deal with this. I'll admit there are certain people who concern me deeply - but for different reasons. This feeling that I'm getting, probably has to do with one of them. There is one person, who seems unrealistically happy right now. Is there such a thing as being TOO happy? I don't know... I mean, I'm glad, I'm overjoyed that this person is happy, but something doesn't feel quite right. I can't put my finger on it and I wish I could. Does it show on my face when this person asks me for my thoughts? I hope not. At the same time, I don't want to hide what I'm feeling. It's such a dilemna.... do I tell the person what I'm really feeling, possibly ruining their happiness, or do I stay quiet and hope for the best? Hope for the best? Damn it. I've never been wrong with things like this! That hope, is a small, tiny fraction.

What the hell do I do?

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( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
lilshit
Feb. 23rd, 2001 09:05 pm (UTC)
no offense... but i'm glad i don't have that gift
dreamland
Feb. 23rd, 2001 09:20 pm (UTC)
*hugs you* damn... sighs... kathy's wishes everything is ok w/ all your friends and w/ you. =\
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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Pashmina Lalchandani
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