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is humor humor if it hurts?

Two types of American humor really piss me off. One is laughing at the expense of someone or some group. Or sarcastic comments with no truth. It's one thing when you're laughing, and the person is laughing with you. But so much of what is said in an attempt to be funny just borders on being rude, retaliatory, and annoying. Is it really that funny? And humor is a 'WE' space thing. For it to be truly beautifully funny, what you say must make many laugh, not just youself. ;)

I'm afraid that I might just have a prerational outburst if I have to deal with that kind of humor again. It makes me want to get up, and walk away from everything. It makes me think very badly of people I call my friends, almost to the point where I actually loathe them, but at the same time I just want to cry and get furious.

My heart gets so heavy in trying to deal with this. I'm tossed between feeling all this and thinking that I must have some ego issues if I can't take a little of their brand of humor here and there. Yet I feel such a resistance to the idea of having to learn to like or even just play along just to keep things simple. And in the end it isn't so simple anymore and I'm left with a silent and helpless rage.

In some ways, I've stopped feeling because of this helplessness. And now I notice that it isn't all the time, it's just in environments where there is no space to feel. I feel as if American ideas about space has become completely mixed up. They give you plenty of space in the physical, intellectual and sensual (by this I mean kinesthetic or visceral) realm, but no space in the psychological, emotional or sexual realms. Where as in other cultures, and with many of my closest friends, it is quite the opposite. There are no issues in strongly challenging ideas, in criticizing convictions, while I've found that when I do that here, I am told that I lack skillful means in conveying my opinions.

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